Who Am I?
Now, the question may seem straightforward, but there's actually way more substance to the question than you think. This is a question that has perplexed individuals for eons, including myself. Honestly, this question is the reason why I created this business and blog in the first place. There comes a point in life where we ask ourselves this particular question. It could be as young as our early childhood where we are unapologetic towards our expansive, creative and curious nature. Or, when we are graduating high school, thinking about the next steps in our journey into adulthood. Some of us don't ask this question until well into our adulthood and may experience a "mid-life crisis" in result of it. However, whenever the question is asked, it always comes with a deep thought, emotion and even great difficulty. In 2020, I asked this question and came to an answer that proved to be inadequate. "I don't know" was the first words that popped in my head after asking this question. How could a question that seems so easy turn out to be one of the most difficult, perplexing things I've ever asked myself?
My first reaction was confusion that led to a sense of emptiness, which was the initial reasoning why I even asked myself this in the first place. Prior to the pandemic, I lived a life that lacked self-empowerment and self-love. I lacked self-awareness of my entire being from my thoughts to my emotions and, inevitably, the manifestation of those onto my actions. I lived a life of suffering stemmed from unconscious behavior that was attached to past traumas, opinions and attention of others, lust and laziness. From 2013, my 8th grade year, to mid 2020, I suffered the consequences of living unconsciously and made no change to correct my path. I couldn't keep a relationship because of an unconscious link to the trauma of my mother leaving at a young age and trying to fill the void of nourishment she left behind. I was unfaithful, co-dependent and naive. I felt like I needed relationships to be happy and constantly attached myself to relationships to hide from the open wound of my mother's abandonment. No matter how many times I play it cool and "thug it out", the pain will always be at my front doorstep awaiting to be healed. I had feelings of not being good enough so I became a people pleaser and hid my voice and opinion so I wouldn't make anyone angry and, possibly, lose a friend. The other person's opinion and influence could reflect negativity and toxicity, but I'd only reflect their energy just to feel "welcomed". I spend all my money on the nicest shoes just to impress people at school when I walked down the halls with no money left over that'll go towards my future and necessities. On top of that, I was always picked on as a kid. Whether it be my looks, my speech impediment and lisp, and because of my autism, which reflected onto the way I carried myself and acted throughout my childhood. I didn't want to be the weird kid anymore and decided to be like everyone else. I felt like being anyone but myself and fitting in to bring the smiles to others would satisfy me and I could move forward with a new life, detached from the creativity and curious nature of my early youth. Instead, I sent my life down a spiral of pain and suffering which affected others, even the ones I loved. Not even things I loved to do, like learning, creativity, and sports, were safe. My need for attention was so strong, along with the rising of social media, that I directed my energy on looking good on the surface level to get the girls and friends rather than focusing on where I found true happiness. Baseball is a beautiful example. I took something I loved, grew up with and produced great results, a true passion of mine and I used it as a clout machine and ego promotion. Nothing in my life was safe from the pain and suffering that I tried so hard to cover and run away from. All it did was destroy everything I truly loved from relationships, passions and, most importantly, the way I looked at myself. I felt like my value was diminishing, my confidence with everything I do was subpar, and I just felt uncomfortable within my own body. Going into 2020, just turning 21, something had to give. I couldn't keep living this way. I had no idea of who I was and that's how I knew I had to change.
Awakening
When the Covid lockdowns started, I was at a point of lack of sustainability within myself. I was a junior in college and most of my grades were failing. I was barely getting any play time for baseball because I was too focused on the outside world of clout and attention that my talent and skill suffered significantly. I recently got out of a good relationship because I was unfaithful, a trend that repeated once again. On top of it all, I was in the worse shape in my life, which reflected my unhealthy life behaviors. However, as the lockdowns started, it served as a wakeup call that sent a ripple effect on my life going forward. I started to learn humility, starting with the time I spent with my family. Me being 21 and wanting to be on my own or with my friends most of the time or always at school and baseball practice, I didn't spend much time with my family like I used to. Lockdown showed me the love and joy I have for my family and being in their presence, especially bonding with my two little brothers. Aside from family, I started to see the state of the world we live in that I now had the time to sit and process thoughts and certain perspectives. I began to notice that our world holds much more value and substance than what we see on the surface level. I noticed not only the good, but also the bad. The way we function as a society today is at a dysfunction and this dysfunction showed itself all throughout 2020. From the pandemic and the inconsistencies from governments and health specialists to the injustice that plagues America to this day and to the rise of depression and mental health around the world, the world has shown that change is needed. However, this need of change never fully occurred in my awareness because I, myself, had to change from within nor did I understand how to make this change. I took a look at where my life was and noticed that it is very much similar to the collective dysfunction many of us worldwide are experiencing.
I remember thinking to myself one day, "What can I do to change? What's the next step for me in life? Who am I?" Never, until this moment, have I ever been this concerned about my future. I never took the time to sit with my thoughts and emotions and seek to understand them. As soon as I asked these questions, I started to notice how my life path took a dramatic shift which gave birth to new, permanent change in my perspective. I started to awaken to a deep energy, a presence, that had been dormant for almost a decade. It was the same energy that gave me visions of creation and stimulated my imagination, creativity and curiosity I haven't felt since I was a kid. It was an oddly familiar feeling but felt new at the same time. This was the beginning of a "spiritual awakening", a path of seeking greater understanding of myself and the universe around me. At the time, I was on the trend of Tik Tok and began to hear more about Spirituality through the platform. This, along with the shift in consciousness I was experiencing at the time, which was also affecting the collective, propelled me to investigate more on this topic. I felt a strong resonance with what many people were experiencing from vivid dreams to the feeling of "walking in a void". At the same time, I met a now dearest friend of mine, Ozzie, who would go on to tell me that he was studying shamanism. Shamanism is a way of life. A way of life that is connected to the spirit world and understanding of how to connect deeper with the oneness of the universe and master relationships of all types. Many would even call them "medicine men" for their profound healing abilities. Ozzie would be a guide and a brother for me along this journey and still is today. He'll tell me about his experiences in life and how his awareness alone has opened the doors to understanding his place in the universe and how the universe operates. Our talks only pushed my curiosity to great lengths.
On September 15, 2020, I decided to document my emotions and thoughts along my journey to grow a greater understanding of myself. I felt a strong pull towards Eastern living and philosophy rather than the traditional religious views in the Western world. I never grew up religious. My dad's side were never ones to bring up religious subjects or even the word "God", especially with my dad not believing in God at all. My mom's side, however, were dedicated Jehovah Witnesses. The times where I'd see my grandparents on that side of the family on weekends, we'd go to the Kingdom Hall that Sunday morning. I never paid attention because I was too young to understand and never had any intent on sitting still during the meetings. But it was the only times where God was constantly talked about in my youth. For first time in my life, I felt the need to go deeper into the subject of God but on my own accord. Buddhism was the first to catch my eye, on top of learning about dreams, past lives, astral projection, consciousness and crystals through different mediums. While Buddhism holds an excess of wisdom within numerous branches, I was attracted to the notion of God and the Self being one and the same. I learned the karmic cycle of Samsara and how to escape its trap, the Middle Way and coming into balance, and coming back into the oneness of the universe through elevated states of consciousness. Through practices of meditation and awareness, I started to notice how my reality around me only reflected the events within my Being. My inner world was in chaos with very little order. Thoughts were freely flowing but had no direction, emotions were easily attached to certain thought patterns of fear, lack, lust and many other negative energies; life was out of balance. The more I learn and become aware of certain truths from within and what I was studying through books, podcasts and videos, I grew an obsession to be better than who I was and dedicate my life to a higher purpose.
An Answer to Suffering
After awakening to the many truths of my suffering, I grew a desire to leave suffering in the past and continue my life in devotion of a higher power that lied within me. One thing I resonated with so heavily when learning more about Eastern Philosophy was that God is found within instead of being a man that lies in the sky looking over us. Being in America, which is mostly dominated by Christian faith, the idea of God was always a bearded man who watches over humanity and was to be fear of his wrath if we commit sin. Subconsciously, anytime I would think of God, though not being religious, that would be the image that popped in my head, or it'll be a complete mystery with no intent of going deeper. However, with more awareness towards what was happening inward, I felt an energy that I couldn't and still cannot comprehend in words even to this day. Unconditional love, bliss and peace was felt each time I dug deeper pass the boundaries I placed on myself out of fear and anxiety. In Buddhism, the first of four noble truths is that "Life is Suffering". Though this may seem negative, this truth holds a very substantial purpose towards our evolution. This noble truth shows that anything subject of impermanence or change is subject to suffering. Attachment, or holding a strong desire, to things that are impermanent is what causes us suffering. For example, my attachment to the desire to be someone else and put on a mask that glorified and only asked for short term pleasures and attention is what brought so much suffering into my life. The second noble truth, "The cause of suffering is desire", is shown in the last sentence. This is not to say that to desire is bad in of itself but the desire of things earthly and impermanent without any substance is what leads us to a cycle of suffering, especially living unconsciously. "The cause of suffering must be overcome" and "When desire is overcome, there is no more suffering" are the third and last noble truths. I soon realized through this process, especially after grasping an understanding of the story being told within the noble truths, that suffering holds a purpose within our lives. We are pushed by suffering to discover and explore a higher version of ourselves. Suffering shows us what patterns, whether it be in the form of thought, emotion, and how those reflect onto our actions and certain situations we find ourselves, are unsustainable. Suffering pushes us to find our own happiness and peace without having to cling to something that is bound to change and even die off. To accept suffering is to simultaneously transcend it. The material reality is a reflection of the spiritual world that is happening within us. But, unlike the infinite Spirit, the physical/material realm, and everything in it, is subject to die and that must be accepted if we want to rise above our own suffering. Because under the mask of all things within the physical, even our body and mind, lies an eternal presence that lies within and is connected to all life within the cosmos. The very cosmos itself is only a manifestation of this eternal presence that we may call "God". God is not a being but is BEING in of itself. That BEING lies within us all and is forever present and eternal bypassing the myth of time, space and death.
Shining My Light
Learning the truth behind my suffering, I began to open doors within myself that manifested certain situations that forced me to grow and become whole. I started to awaken my inner child, creativity and enthusiasm as if I was reborn. At the same time, I was growing my knowledge and experienced tests that propelled me into a more humble, whimsical state of being. There was something missing, however, which manifested as a sense of direction, a sense of purpose. Understanding that my suffering had its own purpose, I wanted to understand my own purpose outside of suffering. Purpose out if love and joy that can be reflected onto the environment. My awareness of suffering opened up a new form of desire that trumps the "desires" of old, the desire to flow at one with the eternal presence of the universe. To be one with my higher self, driven by divinity. I went deeper into the studies of past lives and my own personal karma and how it led me to the present circumstances of life at the time. Though I acknowledged my cause and purpose of suffering, I felt haunted by the things I've done in the past. I knew that shame and guilt only sparked negative emotions and an overall outlook of my being. I couldn't stress on the past any longer and needed to detach from it. One thing I was so easily programmed to do was to shove it under the rug and not think about it. However, from past experiences, this proved to be useless and stimulated zero growth, only more fear and anxiety. It's like of you were boiling water and didn't pay attention, it would boil over. The pain that isn't dealt with can only be hidden for so long that, one way or other, it'll boil over and be destructive towards yourself and even others. Around the same time of this realization, I started to learn about Shadow work and self-reflection of the "undesirable" qualities of myself. This was extremely difficult at first because I've ran away from many of these qualities for so long. When it comes to shadow work, some of the things we hide may be the beautiful qualities of ourselves that we believe hinders our image or wasn't agreed upon the people around us. Though it was an emotional roller-coaster, I felt an immediate sense of peace when confronting the very things that frighten me for years. For each trauma I encountered and allowed myself to face, I felt one step closer to wholeness. The best thing about it was that I uncovered passions that I had as a kid and found new energy and confidence within them. To this day, I'm still in the process of learning who I am because when you're one with the infinite, you always encounter new levels of your being that you weren't aware of before.
Selfless Redemption
Every step I take today is one in the direction of the absolute, the energy that constitutes all things from within and flow with it. The journey that I'm on has proven that it isn't all about the destination. The journey is where we learn and grow. It is the timeless lessons of joy, but, at times, sadness. The journey is where we become self-aware and more in a direction that betters ourselves and others. The journey is where we encounter people, places, things and situations that hold meaning in our lives. Many aren't aware that this journey expands beyond this lifetime and consists of many lives beforehand. Your individual soul, which is connected to the one soul linked to all people and existence within this vast, expanding universe, is on a journey to return home to source. All souls lead back to wholeness which is the cause of individuality in the first place. Death is an illusion. Separation is an illusion. Even after we leave the body, life continues on a new chapter within a new plane. Many of you, even if you're Christian or not, think about the concept of Heaven and Hell. The truth of these is that they aren't places, but actually states of Being. When you are at joy and are so involved with life that time and space slips away from your attention, you bring heaven on Earth. When you are suffering and are depressed over the pain you have yet to face, you bring Hell on Earth. As humans, our goal is to come back to the heavenly state that lives within us. Whatever state you are in manifests onto the Earth in various degrees depending on the vibrational frequency of your thoughts and emotions. Everything is vibrating and moving at various speeds. The higher the vibration, the closer it brings us to Source. If you act in lower vibrations of hate, depression, war and death, this is the reflection of Hell on Earth. Vice versa with higher vibrations of positivity and love but, instead, you bring Heaven on Earth. Just because you may be in a "hell like state" within doesn't mean this has to continue. At any moment, you have the opportunity to move in a different direction and change your life. Redemption is open to us at any moment and redemption means we must reflect on the past, forgive and detach from it. Only then will the past stop living in the now and our future. The only moment we have is now. The present moment is a constant moment of rebirth that brings wisdom from the past and ambition towards the future. Now is the opportunity for us to change our lives and flow with the universe to journey back home to oneness. Now is Being.
Through my redemption and awakening, I've been educating myself on numerous topics that stimulate growth and evolution within my Being. The topics that stood out to me the most was Mysticism and Psychology. These two intrigued me so much to the point where I found the correlation of the two. If you read my introduction post, you would recall me speaking about how the mind is a tool rather than a Being. The Being, like I said earlier in this post, is one with the infinite, one with God, that goes beyond the mind. When our Spirit wants to create, we envision that creation in its completeness and generate ideas that cater to our vision through our minds that'll eventually manifest onto the physical reality. What we imagine and accept within our imagination soon evolves into our subconscious and reflects these ideas and visions onto the world around us. Each moment, we engage in manifestation when we interact with the world around us. Truth be told, the external world is only a reflection of what's happening within, most notably inside our subconscious minds. Knowing this, I devoted myself on a journey to learning the connection between the two and how I could create something that'll change the world through transcending consciousness. Consciousness and the soul are one since both aren't limited to our physical bodies or minds. With the revelation, I coined the term "Spiritual Psychologist" or "Mystic Psychologist" in an attempt to link the two realities together because Spirit and the mind work together for a common purpose: transcendence.
Mind Is Mine
In my words, Spiritual or Mystical Psychology combines the knowledge and secrets of the mind with the spiritual presence within us all to form a relationship with Self (God) and its ultimate tool. The mind is the most powerful tool known to man. All that lives in our universe is created from the mind. The physical, and all of existence within it from galaxies and bigger to the particle and smaller, is nothing but an idea or concept in the mind of God. We are but a thought, a creation that is simultaneously one with the creator (Divine Paradox). Even with our finite minds, we create within the creation of the physical realm through our imagination which lacks in limits, both positive and negative. All of the wonders of the world, whether man-made or created from a higher source, wouldn't be possible without the work of our minds. As human Beings, we are here to create and live the experiences we choose to through freewill. Deep down, even though we have free will, one will come to realize that within his or her innermost being, they feel the necessity and ambition to be the best they can be and ascend to greater lengths than once before. However, throughout millennia, humanity has chosen to go down a darker path that reflects the lower mind fueled by attachment, suffering, war, lust and negativity. The world is becoming less and less free to think and voice their opinions without ridicule from within and also around his. To speak one's mind, even in a genuine effort, could be threatened to be "cancelled". There are elements within us that want to keep us in a box out of fear and control and this too manifests onto our reality, most times unconsciously. I noticed this within myself and seen it all around me. I devoted myself to be better and the more I've grown, the more I see the light within others. When it becomes so easy to see the greatness within you, it reflects onto how you see the world around you.
Being a witness to seeing the pain and greatness within us, I decided to create a platform that supports the evolution of humanity and take part in the growth of human consciousness. This is my greatest gift to myself, my family and to humanity. This is a platform that helps find the greatness within all of us. This platform will support the birth of the leader within us all. This platform will generate a revolution towards peace on Earth that must be found within. The real revolution happens right inside of you and Mind Is Mine is the guide. Mind Is Mine is actually what it sounds like, taking back your mind from unconscious behavior. When you act unconsciously, it's almost as if the mind is on autopilot. This can be extremely dangerous and could lead to serious depression and disgust towards ourselves and the world around us. This is the mind acting as a weapon with a lack of direction, it destroys everything in its path. This too also creates an unhealthy relationship with the mind and body as our emotions soon turn bitter like the ideas within an unconscious mind. To understand the mind, one must "Know Thyself" and understand the inner nature within us. Mind Is Mine is a platform to help those in need to truly find who they are and be reborn. Abundance is our birthright, and we deserve every bit of it, regardless of what the past says about us.
This is my dream; this is my purpose and I live for this. As I grow, Mind Is Mine grows with me. As Mind Is Mine grows, the rest of humanity will grow as well. Please keep in mind, I am not a Savior to anyone but myself. Mind Is Mine is only a support system for those in need. Mind Is Mine helps us realize that the only savior is WITHIN OURSELVES. We are connected to the Creator, the source of all creation. This is the energy that saves us, WE SAVE OURSELVES. My job is to be a guide for those on a deeper journey while I continue on mind. Individual growth is the foundation to collective growth!
Conclusion
I'm blessed to be of service to humanity through my own creation. This creation is a gift from God and I respect and honor the gift by executing it. Throughout my journey on this blog, I will post what flows to me and feels that needs to be shared. The knowledge that I know and continue to learn will be reciprocated through this blog. This blog is for education purposes that are to be applied to our lives. Knowledge is power only when it's put into application. To all my readers, you are loved. You have infinite potential and how you want to create and experience with this potential is up to you. You are the MASTER of your Reality. Stay tuned for more post that contribute to our transcendence. Until then, I hope this message finds you well.
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