I'm not perfect. No one is. However, I've found a sense of gratitude and growth through facing my imperfections and turning them into lessons for myself and others, especially those on the spiritual path. One thing I must admit is that I struggle with the consistency needed to fulfill my dedication to the spiritual path. I'm sure I'm not the only one with this issue. However, this issue can resonate for the ones that have a certain desire to bring about something in their lives but struggle to be consistent with it.
It can be tough to wake up in the morning and go about my routine to promote a well energized day. I usually wake up before or right at dawn, shower, meditate, write, stretch and get a workout in before I head to work. Throughout the day and going into the evening, I like to write down any ideas towards future endeavors and listen to podcasts or audiobooks. However, lately it's been tough for me especially when it pertains to my spiritual path and growth as a mystic. I have found myself giving into lower vibrational activities and distractions which have pulled me away from what I love to do most and my creative processes. I call myself a mystic, however, my actions do not reflect it at times.
I found myself in a state of cognitive dissonance where I contradict myself by doing things or justifying certain actions that doesn't align with my vision. Once I make the contradiction, I immediately feel anxious for what I've just done and how it'll affect the future and regret pours in. It can be something as simple as me wanting to stay away from my phone and social media after I wake up or when I want to create but find myself spending all my time doom scrolling instead of staying true to my desires or my sadhana. The biggest regret is when I trade away the time for my sadhana for something that doesn't help me grow whatsoever.
Throughout my spiritual experience, I've learned just how important it is to maintain a level of consistency with your practices and allowing each practice to build off the last gradually. So when I don't allow myself to experience the growth from consistency, I feel a deep regret and discomfort. I immediately feel that something is off. One thing I tend to do (if I don't return back into my sadhana) is justify what I just done to make me feel better. However, with enough awareness, I understand that in the long run this will not help me nor will bring any healing or growth.
Through this awareness of my own cognitive dissonance, I've learned not only the importance of consistency (which I have written about before), but the importance behind my sadhana in general. For those that don't know what Sadhana is: Sadhana is our choice of spiritual practices that liberates us from the cycle of samsara or suffering and brings us closer to the wholeness that lies within. Sadhana demands dedication and discipline. The same discipline and dedication an artist or athlete must maintain to sharpen his or her craft in their respective field.
Spirituality, creativity, and even life itself demands discipline and dedication. It cannot build from cognitive dissonance and justification of actions that aren't aligned with the desire or task at hand. Through this lesson I share in this entry, I want the reader to understand that experience is the key to growth no matter what you desire in life. Experience, however, also demands effort and discipline. The spiritual path is one about experience through your own actions. Spiritual enlightenment isn't achieved through reading, listening, rituals and even through speaking. Spiritual enlightenment is achieved through ACTION and EXPERIENCE in the PRESENT MOMENT. Karma is action and our goal to be free from samsara is to take control of our own Karma. Life, in general, is this way too! You cannot read about life or just talk about it; you must EXPERIENCE it.
I felt the need to write this because I've found myself not always standing on my commitments, especially when it comes to the spiritual path. I grew up in an environment that was disconnected from its spiritual roots so there are many subconscious tendencies I must rewrite and heal. This entry describes my battle with letting go of the old and allowing the new to prosper in my life with conscious aid. We all go through this in numerous ways; however, I must remind you that you aren't perfect. It's ok to fail and to experience cognitive dissonance and struggle with discipline. It's in the ability to recognize the lesson at hand and learn from it in which gives us newfound energy to continue upon our path!
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