Transcendent Relationships

Relationships in the human experience are one of the most important aspects of life. We all seek them instinctively and that's completely normal and what's right. Our culture and society today could never be if it wasn't for the relationships we made in the past and even today. One thing I've noticed, however, is that within all our relationships (past, present and future), there lies a greater possibility. A possibility of personal and collective transcendence. For us to awaken to those possibilities and opportunities of growth, we must shift our understanding of what relationships mean and why we have them in the first place. Not just relationships of boyfriend/girlfriend or marriage, but the relationships with families, friends, the workplace, nature and everything that's part of the environment around us and, most importantly, within us. 

Reimagining the Meaning of Relationships

When you hear the word "relationship", what comes to mind? Picture it. Many of you may went straight to a connection of two or more people such as friends and family. While this can be the most popular and powerful form of relationships (that of individuals coming together), we must take into account the many relationships we have and make throughout our lives. Many of those being objects, our environment and our inner world. 

As soon as we're born, we start establishing relationships, whether if they're sought after or not. While separation and individuality are an illusion at its core, it serves a purpose for creating and learning from relationships we make with the external world. The purpose of our environment is to mirror our inner environment and to aid us in personal growth while contributing to the growth of others. Earth, along with humanity, animals, nature and other objects, is a school to help us journey back home and to aid others to do the same. We are constantly on a journey of evolution and relationships are necessary to this process. 

The potential that lies within relationships, however, can shed light on certain levels of growth that lies within the individuals. With each relationship comes lessons that give us the building blocks to become better people. The better the individual(s), the greater the potential the relationship has. No matter the scale of the bond we have with something or someone, that bond becomes stronger (or has the potential to) as we grow from within. As I said before in other posts, our external reality is only a reflection of our inner world. The more we sharper our inner world, it's reflection will follow suit. 

Why Codependency is a Killer

Relationships are a normal aspect of the human experience, but we sometimes struggle to see the potential behind them. Relationships aren't a means to an end just for personal benefit. For example, conditional relationships, or conditional love, of any type, creates relationships that are circumstantial. "I love/like you under this condition" or "I love you as long as you give me this" are examples of relationships with strings attached. This is a trap when it comes to building relationships and often lead to codependency. 

Codependent relationships are an imbalance shared amongst two energies. The imbalance stems from one person/energy relying on the other to be fulfilled or seem "whole". This can be very destructive to both energies causing physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual issues. These types of relationships are very toxic, manipulative and selfish because one person/energy is taking advantage of the other to fulfill one's needs and feel safe. This can be driven by a lack of wholeness within one's energy and, in turn, can be exposed by insecurity and even self-hatred. This relationship, rather rooted in love, compassion and teamwork, it is possessive and narcissistic in many ways. 

With that being said, we must avoid the trap of codependency and attachment to the person or thing we hold a bond with. In many cases, some of us get lost in relationships and forget the importance of our individuality and sense of independence. It's ok to be independent and in a relationship at the same time. All that indicates is that there is no sense of attachment and clinging to the external reality in anyway. It isn't healthy to have to constantly depend on your partner for things that is an individual responsibility. While trust and some sense of reliance is important in each relationship, codependency is using your relationship as a crutch for things you may not feel secure or confident about. 

Validation, as well, cannot come from the external relationships we have and/or make. To search for happiness, validation, peace, etc. in an external relationship only implies attachment over attraction. The source of codependency of any type is when we feel that we cannot operate in a certain matter without the external source which creates negativity to any relationship (as stated above). It is through the relationship with the internal world do we find the salvation and happiness we desire.

Shadow Work and The Law of Assumption

Think about the most important relationship to you. If you thought of anything that is external, your priorities must be straighten out. For any external relationship to go well and become a source of transcendence, we must turn inward and realize that the greatest connection we can form is with what lies within. However, this has proven to be the toughest relationship to maintain and grow in the modern world. 

The source of all life experiences lies within us. The Divine lies within us and when we improve the relationship with ourselves, we simultaneously improve our relationship with the divine no matter what you believe in. We must realize that we hold the power to perceive life around us in whichever way we please. The subjective reality matters just as much as the objective reality around us since it plays as the "how" when interpreting it. Which also means the more we improve our subjective reality, the more we improve our response and relationship with the objective reality around us and its manifestation.

Shadow work is the start of the journey, and this may be the hardest task many of us will ever have to face. This is where we come face to face with all that we've ever experienced and coming to terms with it. No matter if it's good or bad, there are parts of us we may leave in the shadows on purpose or that has been tucked away due to trauma. The realization of the reasoning behind why this has happened is the key to inner union. We cannot attract a healthy relationship without being whole from within. Shadow works helps us face the darkest parts of ourselves and, through compassion and a willingness to heal, integrate those parts of ourselves back to the surface and honor them as they are lessons in our lives. Positive and negative qualities may lie within the darkness. As long as they lie in the dark, the very things we try to run from will reflect in front of us until we heal and reprogram the subconscious tendencies that continue the cycle. It is through healing that we can break the cycle!  

The Law of Assumption has everything to do with the betterment of our inner world which reflects around us and is necessary to embodying the lessons we learned from through shadow work. The Law of Assumption is a manifestation technique that states that we can shape our reality by assuming the feeling of already having what we desire. It is the process of no matter the circumstances around you, you have exactly what you desire, and you embody that desire to become it. This also gives us insight on how powerful our subconscious minds can be when we consciously affirm thoughts rather than letting them be on autopilot. When the subconscious mind is on autopilot, we lose track of our discernment of what is real and what is fake within our subjective experiences. 

This law works through embodying what you desire and becoming it. If you desire love, you must realize that YOU are love and embody love. If you desire money, you must embody the energy that attracts money instead of chasing it. This law helps you step into your own power rather than searching for power, validation or anything you desire outside of yourself. 

How does this work with relationships? First, we must understand that we cannot force a relationship in the external world. In all honesty, we don't have much control over the things outside of us anyway. What we can control, however, is how we respond to the world around us and what we attract towards us. If you desire a relationship and want to attract it, you must become a desirable partner. By no means does this imply you have to be perfect (we are all imperfect), but if you seek a healthy relationship, you must embody the attributes it takes to attract one. 

Identify what you desire and realize that that desire already exists within you and must be embodied for it to manifest in front of you. Become the very things you desire. This can come and be sharpened through knowing your needs and wants and writing them down, meditation and visualization with your imagination and emotions. If the source of life lies within you and all that you desire is within you, self-realization and faith is the key to manifesting that desire in front of you. The enhancement of the inner relationship will lead to the enhancement of the external relationship.

What Relationships Teach Us

If I had to describe in one word what relationships teach us in life it would be: Compassion. To me, compassion is a mixture of love and understanding. At the root, we need to have a strong focus on the relationship we have with our inner world and embrace compassionate qualities from within. There are times when we can be down on ourselves and get sucked into a vortex of negativity, doubt and hatred. We must remember that how we treat ourselves and what our state of being is will reflect itself all around us, especially within the people we come across. 

With this mix of love and understanding, we can approach each person, place and thing with grace and empathy. The Golden Rule within the bible captures this perfectly: Do unto other as you would have them do unto you. It's very important that we treat ourselves with a deep sense of reverence which will give us the blueprint of reverence we have and give to others. We must center ourselves in our heart chakra (Christ Consciousness) and approach ourselves and the world around us with love. This is truly how we can enhance the qualities within each relationship we have.

Take the time to put yourself in other people's shoes and understand that we all go through tough times and the trials life brings. It is also through our suffering (and love) that we relate to one another. So, take the time to look at all our relationships and ask, "Have I been treating myself and others with compassion?" It is through compassion in which we can truly learn from our mistakes and use them as a tool to transcend our life experiences and the relationships we form within them. Through compassion, our relationships truly become beneficial to both parties and we avoid codependency of any kind. 

Togetherness is key to global, collective peace!

Check out the video of the late Ram Dass explaining how relationships can be a vehicle for Freedom!